The Questionable Quest
“Woahhhh! We’re halfway there!” belted out a tone-deaf Mitch, “WOAHHHH! LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER!” Showering was Mitch’s least favorite part of each morning, so he always made sure to upset whoever and whatever was within earshot of him by singing loudly. This was a prevailing theory for why so many song birds had migrated sooner each year since a young Mitchel had learned how to open the window in his bathroom. Hardly one to be ashamed, Mitch never let this rumor get him, or his voice, down. “I absolutely nailed that!” Mitch thought to himself loudly as he finished his morning routine. Throwing on his bright red kicks and grabbing his booksack – that served no purpose for he was a business major – Mitch was almost ready to head out for another day of kindergarten level college classes. But just before beginning his daily background music brought to him by Ratatat via his Beats headphones, Mitch noticed something was amiss. “Could it be?” he thought. He frantically checked his wallet and then his booksack, only to find that his LSU ID had gone missing. There was now no way he could enter the 5, or show his identity for his coloring-inside-the-lines tests. Any hopes of gaining priority points at random events through the year were gone in the blink of an eye. So, he headed back to his room to check for any place he might’ve left it: under the bed, behind his desk, and around the Christmas cactus. It was nowhere to be found. But then he noticed a folded sheet of paper on his desk that hadn’t been there the day before.
“Your singing has disturbed my deep slumber,
So, I have hidden your card within the lumber.
Amongst the trees you will find,
The doom and gloom that you have signed;
With your lack of tune and grace,
And now come fight me at my place. – Queen Brit,” read the note.
“Mon petit!” Mitch shouted in French under the assumption it was an interjection of sorts. French was a language he clearly didn’t have a proper grasp on. Mitch now had a new goal for the day as he went outside: retrieve his Tiger Card. As brash as Mitchel was, however, even he knew the path to Queen Brit’s castle was too threatening for just a solo journey. So, he set out to find a worthy comrade. First he went to the legendary Two Hand’s residence and knocked twice because Two Hand had a rule about things happening in twos.
“Joe, I’m going to get straight to the point – my LSU ID is gone and Queen Brit is to blame,” Mitch explained.
“That’s terrible,” Two Hand began with his always even keel manner of speaking, “So, who’s Queen Brit?”
“Joe! There’s no time! We have to get my ID back! I’m about to set sail for adventure! Are you with me?” Mitch pled.
“I want no part in this,” Two Hand said as he exited stage right. Mitch was now left to his secondary option as he headed towards Alec and James’ residence. In a residence large enough to house 30, the two sat on a single couch in their living room as Mitch entered.
“Guys! I need to go get my LSU ID from Queen Brit, will y’all help?” Mitch pled with them both.
“We’re kinda busy…I’m proofreading Smith’s story about you getting your ID back. And James is drawing it. So, maybe next time,” Alec told a now quite befuddled Mitch.
“Well, where do I go from here?” he thought to himself while walking aimlessly. At just that moment, the local mountain man known as “Drew” rode his bike by Mitch. “Drew!” Mitch shouted happily. “I need your help! Who should accompany on my journey?”
“You’re going on a quest,
Dood, those are the best,
Since you’re a pest,
I’d say Phil if pressed,” Drew told him.
“Why are so many people speaking in rhymes? And which Phil?” Mitch asked two very valid questions to the mountain man.
“I’d love to talk,
But it’s 9 o’clock,
And it’s the Phil you mock,
He’s on the crosswalk,” Drew told Mitch as he pedaled away. Just then Mitch looked across to see his favorite kid to make fun of from Wisconsin on the crosswalk just as Drew had mentioned.
“Phil! Join me on my quest,” Mitch yelled at Phil while running towards him.
“Do I even have a choice?” Phil asked in his quintessential sarcastic tone.
“That’s the spirit! Queen Brit has stolen my LSU ID. I can’t defeat her on my own. So, you’re coming with me,” Mitch told Phil.
“This sounds like fun,” Phil said with an air of almost tangible cynicism, “Well, I’m always late to Sociology anyway. What’s another day? Let’s go on this quest.”
“Then let’s go!” Mitch shouted excited to take on his difficult mission. First Mitch made a quick stop to the statue of the great Cody Fontenot to touch it for good luck while Phil shook his head in disgust unsure of who this person was and how they had their own statue. With that formality out of the way, our heroes were on their way. Taking the only path towards Queen Brit’s castle via a hidden door in the Enchanted Forest and heading towards the very dense and treacherous Labyrinth Forest. Mitch and Phil both knew they had a difficult road ahead of them, a trek that to date nobody had successfully completed. Unaware of what exactly would lie around each corner, and unaware of the fact that they were being watched, they took their first steps into the forest.